My Story,
It started May 19th 2003 at 12:11 AM. My life as I had known it, would be forever changed.
I had just flown in from a seminar in San Francisco. My purpose for the trip, was more to tell my employee (and best friend) that I planned on cutting way back, perhaps even leaving my business, because my husband and I had decided we were going to reunite. We had decided that we had made a huge mistake, that we loved each other. He was to move home the day after I arrived.
The minute I landed I had this urgent need to get home fast, even passing the restaurant that had become a tradition to stop at on the way home. I had intended on spending the night at my husbands apartment, where my daughter had stayed during my trip, but when I arrived I just wanted to go home.
I was sitting at my desk when I heard,” Mom, I need to talk to you about something that is bothering me.” I told her to come and talk to me. She replied by saying” No mom, I know you are tired, it can wait.” I said, “I am never too tired to talk to you about something that is bothering you…come on over here.” She sat in front of me, and said “Mom, I am not sure what to do, I know what I have to say is going to change everything and there will be consequences” I felt a chill….and said “Honey, always take the road of the truth, its okay.” Her next words where my nightmare. “Mom, Papi has been doing things that he should not be doing!!” She went on to tell me her father had been abusing her sexually. (he actually was her step father…but had raised her from an infant…she did not know he was not her bio father at the time)
I am not sure how I made it through those first moments. I told her that I believed her…and that she did NOTHING wrong!! I held her, and told her that she had done the right thing in telling me. That I was so sorry that this had happened. That in no way was this her fault, and she has nothing to be ashamed of. I told her how much I loved her, and how very proud I was to have her as my daughter.
I waited till she fell asleep, and went down to confront my husband. I was WILD. He opened the door, and said, “My God, what is the matter?. Look at your eyes!!” I truly looked like a wild animal. I can completely relate to those who pass that line. I was right there, and knew it, I kept saying in my head ‘Your daughter needs you, don’t kill him’. This happened approx 2 AM. By the next morning he was gone. Left the state.
They were extremely close. He was definitely her favorite. A Daddy’s girl all the way!!! This would end up causing very complicated issues later. Her feelings of missing and loving him vs. her feelings of betrayal. EVERYONE loved him. He was a wonderful husband and father. Held respect in the community. The LAST person anyone would ever think would do such a thing. WELL….he did. Then it seems like the flood gates opened. As the word got out….more disclosures.
I can not even put into words the devastation and agony this caused. The betrayal. It changed everything. My daughter was just reeling. My happy and healthy daughter was now throwing up her food (Bulimic), scratching herself till she drew blood (self mutilation) a straight A student, was about to fail…and had to go to summer school to pass the grade. My baby that always had our house full with friends, now isolated herself…..Problems sleeping at night….sleeping all day…..crying…..on and on. My health went into a tail spin. My liver started to fail. I ended up giving up my lucrative businesses. Packing our cloths…and moving. The depression, overwhelming. I had never understood when people “lost” it. I do now. I remember one night when I kept saying over and over….hold on…just hold on till morning. That is when I found a support group on the internet. I posted at 4:30 AM…and a wonderful man answered within minutes. He held my hand till the sun came up. THANK YOU QUEBEC…YOU SAVED ME!!!
It has been 3 years. I can tell you I have been through MANY stages. Please know, that even if it doesn’t seem like it today….THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.
All lemons have the possibility to make lemonade. Today, my daughter and I have a very special bond. One I do not see often. She knows…without a doubt that her mother loves her. I might not have done it all right. When I look back, with the knowledge that I have now, there are things I would have done differently…BUT the important thing….is that my daughter KNOWS…that her mom loves her…and did EVERYTHING that she knew to do. So even if it wasn’t perfect…it WAS!! For she also now understands, that love does not have to have conditions. That I will always be there for her….through thick and thin.
My reward….she trusts. After 3 years, finally she shows me that she trusts. For so long, she wouldn’t let me touch her, she wouldn’t open up about her feelings. I stuck it out, sometimes I just wanted to scream(many times I did), but she is my baby. I earned her trust. Today, I have a well adjusted, straight A student…who is cuddly and loves her mom. People notice this bond. It is something very special. It is the lemonade that we made from this lemon we were served.
To understand my feelings during this ordeal….go to my writings. It may explain my story better than what I have written above.
